Stuck! – A little Chipmunk With a Giant Nut
To start off I would like to say that the way my life evolved it pretty much resembles that of this cute little chipmunk: I got more than I can probably chew. I’m stuck with this giant peanut (and I really do mean peanut! – as for now please refrain from any X-rated ideas) and that seems to be the end of it. I can neither go back to my pre peanut days nor can I keep it in my mouth forever (I’m still talking about the actual peanut!). In my very own real life, I’m stuck in this God forgotten hole, hopeless, income-less and without prospects.
Once a confident and brilliant PhD student, world traveller and highly gifted artist, now a stay-at-home mom, with little human contact and even less money, while at constant mercy of an equally desperate husband (with spiralling down health and a seriously sick mother to care for, on top of it).
HOW ON EARTH DID I GET HERE? – is a question I have been asking myself for some time now. How can a life of so many prospects and opportunities have degraded into such a hopeless vegetative state of desperation? Where and when did I exactly screw up?
Well, to my defence it’s not as though I suddenly hit a wall, which appeared out of nowhere. To be accurate, it was more like a very bumpy ride through funerals, brain tumors and impaired ovaries that took my life for an existential spin. To be honest, I feel as though it’s a miracle that I’m still alive (and I guess I must be since I’m writing this, right?).
That must be it! Being alive, when you hit 40, must the best achievement you will ever accomplish! Forget buying mega yachts or receiving a Nobel Prize – if you haven’t so far, chances are you will not in the very near future. Shut up, put a happy face on and smile- you just turned 40 and you’re alive!
And while I’m not planning on divorcing my husband, or giving the kids (or my mother) up for adoption, nor writing my version of Fifty Shades of Grey (I’ve already written a sex book but somehow nobody wanted to publish it – my guess is it was too well written) I will try to keep my sanity while navigating myself out of what seems to be a very real existential crisis. Hello E. L. James!