Going Nuts! – How Humour Prevented Me From Losing My Marbles
My recent journey to restore crumbling mental health began a few weeks ago, when I hit the bottom and had an unforeseen nervous breakdown.
Exhausted from the anguish of life, low on hormones and cash, crippled with hopelessness, and worn down from around-the-clock care of a brain tumor patient, I reached a point, where I was certain I would go NUTS, if didn’t change a damn thing in my pathetic existence.
In think it was in that very moment, that lightning struck me and I experienced a delirious flash of insight, an epiphany.
I believe that many of us have that life changing instant, where you go from one second to another, and you feel like it’s the end but also the beginning. When your circumstances (be it illness, bad luck, loss of a loved one, or all at the same time) violently tear you down to the very core of your essence, when there’s nothing left, but the plain, naked Y-O-U.
Once you reach the deepest of all bottoms, everything else falls away, and nothing that’s left matters. It doesn’t matter that you have a loving family, an adoring husband, beautiful children and a handful of friends, who are there for you when sh*t happens. That besides your deceased ovaries, extinct thyroid and erased adrenals, everything else in your body, works to keep you alive despite the clear absence of good health. Not to mention that you still have a roof over your head, and enough money to buy the most necessary things.
But when the winds change, the winds change. And there’s not much you can do about it.
And one thing is sure as hell, after your mental collapse, nothing will be the same as it was before (at least when it comes to your state of mind). Overnight you’ll change into a completely new person, at times even unrecognizable to yourself (a bit more courageous, a bit more adventurous, and definitely more NUTS!).
It’s then, that you start shifting, that you start reorganizing your life, in a way that you never even dared to think of doing previously. Which is exactly what happened to me a few weeks ago.
First thing I did, I sat down, created a website and started blogging – something I was putting off for less busy times (after the kids grow up, mom is back in shape, and her epilepsy doesn’t kill her or me every few hours, my hormone therapy kicks in, and I stop yelling around like a crazy Nut).
And then, what a surprise, what a turn, what a ride!
I never figured, that it would bring me where I am right now, juggling the incomprehensible (at least to humans, but less so to search engines) language of HTML, five active social media, and still continue to run a busy family life (including trying not to mix mom’s medicine or microwaving frozen dinners on time).
Over past three weeks I’ve learned what is a template (seriously, don’t forget I’m older than the Internet) and how to rewrite it, what’s a domain name and how to manage a Webmaster’s account. I signed in to Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter – media I only new from Prince Harry’s hate comments or Kim Kardashian’s tweets sung by Bette Midler on Jimmy Kimmel Live. I’ve created a more or less organised blog with plenty of tiny little widgets (OMG how I love these), joined communities of like bloggers and met virtual friends from all parts of the world.
But most importantly, I began doing something, that over the years I thought I forgot how to:
I STARTED TO LAUGH!
And that alone was worth all the rush.
(In fact, this blog’s behind the scenes shoveling through Google’s most hilarious stuff, has me in stitches all the time).
So, for those of you who, like me, are about to have a nervous breakdown and collapse into a very deep existential coma, I can tell you one thing: There is hope! Because even if you have nothing left (no money, no health, no luck), you can still have laughter. And there’s nothing more uplifting than good humour when you’re feeling down (plus it’s totally free of charge, gluten free and absolutely suitable for vegetarians and nut allergy sufferers)!
So I hope you enjoy the silly musings of this blog as much as I do?
And who knows, maybe in the end, hitting the ground will bring for all of us a brand new beginning, a brand new chapter?
I guess, sooner or later life will have us find out!