To Pee or Not to Pee – Best Places to Go in Paris
If you like me, have a small bladder, are menopausal, commuting or traveling to Paris as a tourist, you will quickly discover that public toilets here suck!
(That is, if you’re actually lucky enough to find one – it seems French women make it through the day not only without eating, but also without peeing – which is why the ladies rooms are so scarce here).
So, given that you spotted one and managed to get there in time without having urinated in your pants, you will spend hours rubbing shoulders with hundreds of people sharing their Streptococcus, Escherichia Coli, Hepatitis A and other yucky diseases in a zigzag line-up. Only to make it in the end into a lavatory, that’s besides being more smelly than Gruyère cheese left out of fridge for a month, obviously hasn’t seen any toilet paper since 996 or the Roman Times. Not to mention that the sheer sight of a disgustingly dirty toilet can will leave you traumatized for decades, more than the scariest movie of all times: The Shining with Jack Nicholson from 1980.
Having lived through the nightmare over a dozen times, I came up with a brilliant solution (personally tested and certified) that will allow you to survive a few hours in the City of Light, without having to invest in vaginal cones to train your pelvic floor muscles or wearing disposable underwear.
And the solution is utterly simple:
Every time you have the urge to go to the bathroom in Paris, instead of searching for the Squatting Woman Sign, look out for a near by 5 Star Hotel or a world renowned restaurant and enter it as if you’re a Super Star (the only condition being that you’ll have to adhere to the dress code, although with the recent loosening of social norms I’ve seen people getting in in shorts without being asked to wear a tie). Here, nobody will look at you funny when you ask in plain English: Excuse me, where’s the bathroom? or let alone demand you for money. Moreover, you will have a chance to admire historically beautiful French interiors completely free of charge and eventually do your business not on plastic but on real marble.
So, here’s a list of places to go in Paris, when you need to go:
1. Hôtel Le Meurice
228 Rue de Rivoli – when you’re not far from Musée du Louvre and Place de la Concorde. My absolute favorite! There is no better place in the world, not only when it comes to restrooms, but also to unbeatable class.
3. Restaurant “Cristal Room” at Maison Baccarat
11 Place des Etats-Unis – with the most beautiful ladies room in the world, full of worth-a-fortune Baccarat chandeliers hanging from the ceiling (see below).
4. Hôtel Costes
239-241 Rue Saint-Honoré – for those who like to pee where Kim Kardashian has peed before.
5. Restaurant l’Avenue
41 avenue Montaigne – if you want to sit on a toilet that has been sat on by Justin Bieber, Rihanna, Kate Moss, Beyoncé and many others.
6. Hôtel Montaigne
6 Avenue Montaigne – a little gem down the same street, when you’re shopping at Loro Piana, Prada or Giorgio Armani and have no where to go.